Matt Barnes Challenges Groupies and Tricks on Twitter to Keep Their Legs Closed


I don’t know what you groupies and or tricks did to piss off Matt Barnes but he’s madder than hell and he’s not going to take it anymore.

In what appears to be a random tweet sent around 1:50 a.m. EST Barnes unleashes some serious anger on women whom, it seems, he feels make their way through life by having sex with people who make their way through life by playing basketball.

Maybe I’m old school, but if I my team had just gotten beat down like you guys just did by Boston, I wouldn’t be talking shit to anyone, not even groupies and tricks. What’s the old saying, “you can’t talk like a pimp and get beat like a ho”? I don’t know, something like that.

Advertisements

Mark Zuckerberg is the Lord Farquaad of the Internets


I’m generally not a conspiracy theorist, at least I would never admit to being a conspiracy theorist in public for fear that it would bring swift and terrible retribution, but even I can’t ignore the similarities between Duloc’s Lord Farquaad and Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg any longer. The facts are just too overwhelming to not investigate more thoroughly.

Duloc, the quaint little town run with an iron fist of Farquaad and Facebook seem to have quite a bit in common. Namely that they’re both run by creepy, overly confident men who try and mask their “shortcomings” by building giant phallic castles (I’m still doing research on this accusation as I have yet to actually find any concrete evidence that Zuckerberg has built a castle of any sort) whose sole purpose seems to be to try and get people to forget about their tiny appendages.

Mark Zuckerberg: The Lord Farquaad of the Internets?

Fortunately, that’s not where the similarities end:

  • Both Farquaad and Zuckerberg’s kingdoms were built to impress women that ultimately didn’t love the creepy bastards. Farquaad was forced to marry Fiona so he could be crowned King of his Kingdom and Zuckerberg coded Facebook in a “tidal wave” of grief after being dumped by his girlfriend. Both noble gestures but obviously these guys have no clue what women want. Today’s woman wants to feel involved, like they’re important. That’s why I always insist on going halfsies on my dates to Red Lobster. It’s not because I’m cheap, it’s because it allows women to feel empowered.
  • Both “Farquaad” and “Facebook” start with the letter “f”. Not only do they both start with the letter “f” but the “f” on Farquaad’s banner looks shockingly like the “f” in Facebook’s logo. By “shockingly” similar I mean to say that they are both lowercase. I can only take so many “coincidences” before I start believing far-fetched incredulous theories.

…after Zuckerberg quit Harvard his personal life spun out of control, with Parker helping him indulge his fantasies with a stream of “groupies”. Sorkin’s screenplay suggests Parker knew Zuckerberg was driven not just by money or fame but also sexual insecurity. While he is depicted as receiving sex in bars, Parker runs the business.

Does that not sound disturbingly similar to the completely fictional backstory that I made up to fill in Farquaad’s character issues? Doesn’t it?!

The bottom line is, can’t you imagine Zuckerberg lying nude on some type of animal hide blanket while sipping a martini and telling some innocent, likely repulsed and now incredibly nauseous girl that he’s the guy who coded Facebook? Can’t you?!

The bottom line of the bottom line is that if the answer to that question is “yes”, then you are contractually obligated (by terms of a contract that was completely made up by me and agreed to, in principle, as soon as your read the first word of this post) (yes, I know you’re thinking that sounds completely ludicrous but it’s actually a quite common thing in the blogosphere although I wouldn’t expect you non-blogees to know that) to not only believe everything else I have written here but to go on a crusade to get as many people as possible to read this post to persuade them of your new beliefs.

Listen, of course I don’t want to have to take anyone to court but if you read the first word of this post and did not do everything in your power to spread this post around to as many of your friends as possible then you are openly defying the terms of the contract I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Whether I want to litigate this or not my conscious would not allow me to allow you to get away with something so despicable.

If you have any questions or comments about the terms and conditions of our legally binding contract please send $1 to my Paypal account at jamespoling@gmail.com and I will be more than happy to consider answering at least one of your questions.

Facebook's Privacy Guide Explained with a Wink and a Smile


I started writing a post on Facebook’s privacy issues the other day but I never really finished it. I decided to give up because I wasn’t sure I could put into words exactly what I wanted to say. I just posted the article privately so it won’t show up in my feed but you can read it here. It actually touches on what I’m about to say here and what I think Facebook has again missed the mark with in their attempt to clarify their privacy controls.

What I find disturbing about Facebook is the fact that it has basically turned into one large focus group. The problem is, if you’ve ever been on a focus group, not only are you obviously well aware that you’re on a focus group and that your thoughts and ideas are going to be used for marketing purposes, you’re actually financially compensated for your time as well as your point of view.

For me, that’s where Facebook misses the mark and makes me feel a little dirty by going there. Don’t take my word for it, check out their new, revised explanation of your facebook privacy:

We never share your personal information with advertisers. This includes information on your profile that you’ve made available to everyone. Advertisers may target ads to people according to their interests, age group, geographic location and gender, but they receive only anonymous data reports.

In one breath they’re saying they don’t share my personal information with advertisers and in the very next sentence they go on to list all of my personal information they share with advertisers. I don’t know if Facebook is really that stupid or of they really believe that we’re that stupid to fall for that nonsensical doublespeak.

Just because you’re not sharing my name and phone number with advertisers doesn’t give you the right to say that you “never share my personal information with advertisers” when you obviously do. Guess what, my “interests, age group, geographic location and gender” are all part of my personal information whether it’s given out anonymously or not.

That’s what makes this whole Facebook privacy issue so hard to swallow. On one hand Facebook is trying to take the high road by saying they’re not giving out any personal information, while on the other hand they’re running Facebook as a giant focus group and you’re the rat in the cage so to speak and Facebook plans to make as many dollars off of that as they can.

You can’t have it both ways, either you stop monetizing our habits and patterns and personal information or you be more up front that Facebook is a giant testing ground for corporations to use as much of your information as possible to set up marketing strategies for their products.

Student Uses Facebook to Shed Light on Towing Company's Shady Business Practices


T&J Towing decided not to actually address the disgruntled car owner’s complaint, choosing instead to file a $750,000 lawsuit against him for slander and defamation

This story epitomizes exactly what gets me so amped about social media. Anytime you hear me talk or write about social media and why I’m so passionate about it you’ll definitely get an earful about how social media gives people tools that allow them to crush it and level the playing field.

Justin Kurtz, a 21-year-old Western Michigan University student, who started a group on Facebook to gripe about the company, now has more than 4,200 members.

It is my firm belief that my car was recently “broken into” but all that was stolen was my arboretums parking pass. This was an act by T&J so that they could charge me $120 to get my car out of impound. Please invite your friends to get justice against T&J!!!

“It’s not like I was making untrue claims or anything,” he said. “It’s not like I had control over anything that everyone had posted the whole time. I told everyone to be professional, don’t post any threats. Just tell your story and that’s what pretty much everyone did.”
Continue reading

Media Temple Crushes Social Media and Connects with its Customers


As much as I love creating strategies and making connections I get almost as big of a thrill out of seeing a company that already gets it. Social media isn’t about driving traffic back to your site or trying to get people to buy your product, that’s what your website is for. Social media empowers companies to make connections that weren’t possible five or ten years ago.

Earlier this evening a few of Media Temple’s servers were becoming inaccessible due to a UDP attack.

[nggallery id=10]

At approximately 3:50 PM PDT, (mt) Media Temple experienced a UDP flood against our DNS servers which has resulted in the unavailability of our nameservers (ns1.mediatemple.net, ns2.mediatemple.net). All services that rely on those nameservers became unavailable at that time, including the (mt) Media Temple AccountCenter, the (mt) home page, and any customer sites that use our DNS.

While their engineers went to work trying to resolve the issue the help help desk went to work on Twitter not only keeping clients informed on what was happening they were responding to specific customer’s complaints and requests, even if it was only to apologize.

Disclosure: I am a current (and satisfied) Media Temple customer. This site is in fact hosted on a Media Temple server. I pay full price for my account with Media Temple. I wrote this post as an observer of Media Temple’s social media practices, not as a client. There is a link to Media Temple on the right side of my page that is an affiliate link. Media Temple does not pay me to put it there. I choose to put it there because I know finding good hosting can be difficult. I wanted to share with my readers the name of the company I entrust to keep this site up under most any circumstance.

Some BP Perspective


A NASA satellite image shows the BP oil slick on the sea's surface

Let’s consider for a moment, the unthinkable. The BP spill in the Gulf was the result of a terrorist act. Of course we all know that’s not the case but thinking of it in that context does give us some new perspective.

Now let’s continue our make believe story and imagine that the despicable terrorist responsible for this incomprehensible act of destruction was not only identified but captured as well. Now let’s go even further and imagine that not only was this monstrous bastard of a terrorist caught, but, shockingly, there was already a law on the books to deal with asshole terrorists trying to wreak havoc on oil wells. Hooray!

But wait, there’s a problem. Boo! The problem is that this jerkoff terrorist was so successful and got so freaking lucky that he created a, hitherto, totally inconceivable amount of destruction.

Of course since we were completely unable to conceive this unthinkable, astronomical amount of destruction from a terrorist that, up until now couldn’t even light his shoe or his underwear on fire properly, that we were totally unprepared to adequately deal with and punish said terrorist so, appallingly, the maximum sentence for this atrocious crime is a mere ten years.

That’s it, there’s no way around it. But wait, now that we’ve been able to actually witness destruction on this vast scale we have the opportunity to change the law, to actually hold this asshole terrorist accountable for what he did. We have the ability to make sure that the punishment fits the crime.

A young heron sits dying amid an oil-covered mangrove on an island in Barataria Bay, off Louisiana. The area is also home to brown pelicans, terns, gulls and roseate spoonbills. (Gerald Herbert/associated Press)

There’s only one problem. Asshole terrorist guy and all his friends gave a crapload of money to some shady politicians and, believe it or not, these arrogant pricks have the nerve to openly block the government’s attempt to hold this guy liable.

In an opening skirmish over how much money companies should be forced to pay for oil spill damages, Democratic legislators Thursday failed to speed through legislation to raise liability caps from $75 million to $10 billion.

Their effort was thwarted by Sen. Lisa Murkowski, R-Alaska, a key oil industry ally who said that the bill would end up empowering only the “biggest of the big oil” companies to drill America’s offshore resources.

With bought off elected officials and corporate recklessness like this who needs enemies.

In March 2005, a massive explosion ripped through a tower at BP’s refinery in Texas City, Texas, killing 15 workers and injuring 170 others. Investigators later determined that the company had ignored its own protocols on operating the tower, which was filled with gasoline, and that a warning system had been disabled.

The company pleaded guilty to federal felony charges and was fined more than $50 million by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

I’m no expert, but the problem seems to be that when a government agency tries to step in and institute regulations and procedures that could have saved at least 2 dozen lives, each and every time BP has told them, in essence, to go fuck themselves.

Just last fall, BP fought off safety regulations, continuing with business as usual. In a September 14, 2009 letter to MMS, Richard Morrison, BP vice president for Gulf of Mexico production, fought against an MMS proposal that would require operators to have their safety program audited at least once every three years, instead of the voluntary system that is currently in place. Morrison wrote: “We are not supportive of the extensive, prescriptive regulations as proposed in this rule. … [the voluntary programs] have been and continue to be very successful.” MMS has estimated that the proposed rules would cost operators about $4.59 million in startup costs and $8 million in annual recurring costs.

A Wall Street Journal report also found that BP’s oil well in the Gulf of Mexico did not have a remote-control shut-off switch that is used by two other oil-producing nations as a last-resort safeguard against underwater spills. The device is voluntary in the U.S., and while it is not clear whether it could have prevented the spill, it is another indicator of BP’s lax safety measures and proclivity for convenience over caution.

Then again, you don’t increase your first quarter profits by 135% to close to $6 billion in one year by worrying about pesky safety regulations and people’s lives.

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer Uses Puppet Sing-Along in place of Spoonful of Sugar to Help the Racism Go Down


In case you were having trouble wrapping your mind around just what the hell is going on down there in Arizona you’re in luck. Governor Brewer pumped out an insane music video that really cuts right to the hear of the issue. Really? Regardless of which side of this issue you’re on you can’t think that a talking frog puppet is the way to really “rally the troops” so to speak? Well I guess after passing this law the puppet idea seems downright ingenious.

httpvhd://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6qEQ-KnitQ