Steve Jobs Attempting to Trademark More Things That Occur Commonly in Nature

I suppose now is as good a time as any for me to formally announce my lawsuit against Steve Jobs and Apple, in which I will be seeking an unspecified amount of damages, for its registration and profiteering of  

I am clearly and undeniably me.  At no point whatsoever did I give Apple express written consent OR implied oral consent to use me as part of their new cloud computing experiment gone horribly awry.  

Never once has Apple consulted with me about their use of nor has anyone contacted me about plans to compensate me for Apple’s brazen use of  

It is abundantly clear that Apple’s continued use of is diluting me as a brand.  I am confident that with the amount of evidence before me we can solve this whole issue out of court.  In face, I’m sure a check made out to me would go a long way to smoothing things over between Apple and me…com.

I’m all about brand integrity and protecting your company’s brand but when your company’s logo is a fucking apple, it’s God that should be suing you, not you suing the world.

It’s clear that Apple will not hesitate to pull out the big guns when it comes to dealing with copyright infringement.  Which is all well and good if you have a strong, unique brand like Nike, Mercedes or even Microsoft, but when you choose to have your logo be an apple you need to chill out a little on the lawsuits.  You do realize you didn’t invent apples don’t you?

Back in April Apple announced that it was suing NYC for it’s greeNYC initiative that used, among other things, an apple in its ad campaign.  Apple’s lawyers argued, “[GreeNYC’s logo] so closely resembles Apple’s [logo] that its use is likely to cause confusion, mistake or deception in the minds of consumers and likely cause dilution of the distinctiveness of [Apple Computer’s brand], resulting in damage and injury to the company.”

I’ve put the two logos side by side and I don’t know about you but I’m totally confused.  I’m not sure if I want to buy a computer or recycle.

Now Apple has moved on to suing a small, British Columbia school that it must stop using it’s current logo or else.

Other effects of Apple’s litigous ways?

  • Eve now eats the forbidden radish when the story is told to new generations.
  • Phrase “apples and oranges” officially changed to, “oranges and something that resembles apples but not enough to offend Steve Jobs’ attorneys”.
  • Instead of bobbing for apples children are now forced to bob for lug nuts.  
  • “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” now being substituted by “we’re all going to die someday.”

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