The Gentrification of Park Slope: Or Why Pooping on the Sidewalk is Now Acceptable Behavior


Gentrification has its up and downs. As a white person I already kind of want to smack other entitled Park Slope white people who bop around the Slope and refuse to lift a finger to discipline their kids, so I can’t imagine what it’s like to watch them move in and take over a neighborhood thereby jacking up real estate value by five. If I was a Park Slope native watching this happen I’d be a mushroom cloud laying m’fer.

Still that’s only the beginning of the downside of gentrification. After gentrification there’s the idea, whether real or perceived, that the neighborhood is safer now. The problem with that idea is that it brings in lots more homeless people who just sit around begging and taking dumps on the sidewalk while the entitled rich folks say hi or even stop to chat with them. I guess they think they’re doing their good deed for the day or justifying their white bread lifestyles.

I’ve lived in bad neighborhoods before and you don’t really see that many homeless people hanging around. One, because nobody in the bad neighborhood is giving up any money to them and two, certain elements in said bad neighborhood would just as soon kick somebody’s teeth in as watch them take a crap on the sidewalk.

Now the other scourge making its way through the Slope is a mostly seasonal one, although I have seen this phenomenon even in the dead of winter. The young, so-called idealists on every fucking block asking me if I “care about the environment” or if I “have a minute for gay rights”.

Listen up you fucking assholes. Standing on the sidewalk and collecting money for whatever cause you think you’re saving is just annoying. We all know you get 50% of whatever money you raise and the other 45% goes to pay the assholes that convince that it’s actually a good idea to go stand on the street and panhandle whatever money you can jive off of people walking by, and then maybe 5% goes to the actual cause. Either way, fuck off.

Other than that it’s a pretty nice day out and if you have the chance, maybe you should try to cut out of work early and get to a park and chill the fuck out. Just be wary of the pooping homeless people and the naive beggars dotting your path.

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