President Bush challenged Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry on Tuesday to identify who he is talking about when he claims that some foreign leaders privately support him over Bush.
“You don’t just walk around letting your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash,” Bush said from the Oval Office this morning. “I’d like to know what foreign leaders think Kerry would do a better job than me, I’ll be on them like a west Texas dust storm. I got about a 50 gallon drum of whoop ass left over from Iraq, that I’ve been dying to dump all over somebody. I’m a mushroom cloud layin’ motherfucker, motherfucker…literally.”
Insiders say the invasion of Iraq came shortly after the Bush Administration learned of Saddam’s personal blog and his intention to back Kerry in the primaries. The blog, http://www.saddamloveskerry.com, never came to fruition thanks to the quick work of the Bush team but insiders say the world impact would have been enormous.
Kerry who has been using the catch phrase “Bring it on” has been accused of seeming like a weak candidate compared to a war President like Bush, has ammended his slogan to include, “Bring it on, Bitch!” Kerry has steadfastly refused to give up any names claiming that, “he’s no stoolie.”
Kerry, meanwhile, dismissed White House suggestions that he is lying if he is not willing to identify the leaders. “Listen, I passed every single one of them notes asking whether or not they liked me better than George, almost all of them checked “yes”, they like me better. Everyone except that little bitch Tony Blair, he’s got it bad for Bush, I mean really bad.”
Political insiders say this election could come down to who is voted “most popular” by the other world leaders at the fall “World Leaders Homecoming Dance” scheduled to be held in Helsinki this year.