Hey, Fred Couples!


Unless you are Fred Couples or maybe Tiger Woods, if you live in a large city, New York City for example, and you carry around one of those huge freaking golf umbrellas that are big enough for four people, I from this moment on will be allowed to take it away from you and beat you to death with it. I’m trying to fucking squeeze down the sidewalk pushing past a million people and I have to worry about your R.V. size umbrella coming down the sidewalk, knocking people in the head and taking up more space than a small car. What the fuck is wrong with you? Who do you think you are? Did you forget that we have rules in this society? You can’t just go around waving giant umbrellas in people’s faces and not face the consequences. I can live with people ruining the environment with their giant SUV’s. I can get over people developing every square inch of land to build their oversized houses. I can even live with the President thinking that he was appointed by God because of his enormous bloated ego. But I cannot live with you and your insanely large umbrella that you don’t need, poking me in the eye and making me duck every five seconds, I will take vigilante justice on you and your big ass umbrella.

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